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Weight Loss Surgery and Why I'm Having It

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(It was pointed out to me by markedformetal that cross-posting my Shapely Prose entry to my LJ would be a good idea. Which, for some reason, didn’t even occur to me. But, hey, that’s a damn good idea! Originally posted here on September 18, 2007.)

I believe weight loss surgery (wls) is dangerous, invasive, and overly performed. I hate that something created as a last resort has turned into magical cure-all for everyone over 200 pounds. I hate that it’s become so popular and hyped that people whose information is based solely on what they see on TV have no hesitation in suggesting it to complete strangers. But what if you don’t quality? Gain weight! Go to Mexico! Find a less strict surgeon! WLS is the quick and easy answer! Because altering your eating and drinking habits for the rest of your life couldn’t possibly be something worth a second thought. I always have been and always will be highly, highly critical of weight loss surgery.

And I’m having mine next month.

It’s the hardest decision I’ve ever made because doing something that’s so completely at odds with what you believe in is a massive mind-fuck. I’ve been called a traitor and a sell-out and I guess I can’t really argue with that; I believe strongly in size-acceptance and I’m electing to have my stomach sliced open and my organs rearranged. It’s something I never thought I’d do. Me? Having weight loss surgery? That’s crazy talk…I don’t even believe in dieting, for god’s sake!

Sometimes we find ourselves in a situation where what we need isn’t what we want. Where what we need isn’t even something we necessarily believe in. I never wanted to be seen as yet another fat person who really wanted to be thin. Who says fat is great…but not for me. And I know that’s how people see me now. I struggled with that for a long time; reconciling my ideology with my desperate need for a surgery that was my best option. I didn’t have it sooner because I didn’t want to admit I needed it. I was so ashamed of not being healthy, of not being strong, of representing all the stereotypes I despise.

I’ve been blogging for about five years now and I’ve always been commended for my honesty. On one hand it’s accurate because I don’t lie in my blog and I readily admit things that really don’t cast me in the greatest light! But on the other hand… There’s a lot I just don’t say because I’m too ashamed.

And I am so fucking tired of being ashamed. I’m so fucking tired of hiding my reality because it isn’t as pretty as someone else’s. I’m so tired of believing I’m an embarrassment to fat people, as if my very existence is harming the movement. I may be an anomaly but I still exist and I still matter. So I’m going to do the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’m going to tell you what it’s like to live in my body.

I’m 5’6” and I weigh 530 pounds. Well, 529.8 to be exact but I round up. (There, that wasn’t so hard. I can totally do this.)

I have insulin resistance, hypertension, high cholesterol, gastroesophageal reflux disease, depression and social anxiety and am on medication for all of it. I take a lot of pills! I’ve had to sleep sitting up for the last several months. I do sleep but not long and not deeply…I miss dreaming. My circulation is horrible and my arms and legs frequently go numb or swell so badly I can’t move and I feel as if the skin is literally going to split open. My poor circulation also causes severe discoloration all over the lower half of my body as well as both forearms. I have some issues with incontinence because I carry all of my weight in my belly and there’s a lot of pressure on my bladder. My lower belly is so large and heavy that having it hang from my body is actually painful. I have a lot of problems with infections between my skin folds and summer really isn’t helping matters. (Okay, that wasn’t too bad either. Let’s go a little deeper.)

I’m in pain every moment of every day. I can’t walk or stand longer than a few seconds and I’m so afraid of my ankles or knees giving out from under me. Walking from my bedroom to the bathroom leaves me gasping for breath and my legs shaking from exertion. Usually I have to stop half way there and lean on something for a few seconds. Several months ago I had to get a disability placard for my car. God, I was so embarrassed by that. Not was. Am. I can’t stand people seeing me park in the disabled spot. Sometimes…cough…sometimes if people are watching me, I totally fake a limp. Because I hate the idea of people thinking fat = disabled.

At the end of June I had to take a leave of absence from my job because getting out of bed and going to work every day was too painful and difficult. I had pushed myself for so many months, through the pain and exhaustion, and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I was on the verge of physically and mentally collapsing and I couldn’t bring myself to fake it for one more day. Plus, my seat belt doesn’t fit me any longer and driving on the freeways in LA with no seat belt is a terrifying experience! Even more so when you take into account the fact that I was dozing off at the wheel (due my sleep issues) several times a week. Work was going to kill me one way or another!

There are friends I haven’t seen in years. Good friends who I used to see regularly and who I’ve known for more than half my life. Who used to know everything about me until my reality became a secret. Now I lie to them about why we don’t spend time together. Because I don’t want to say, “I love you but it hurts me too much to walk. I love you and I miss you and it hurts not to see you but the physical pain is so much worse.” So I say something vague about not feeling well which isn’t really a lie but isn’t really true either. Because I can’t bring myself to tell them that every step feels like a thousand and my body is breaking. I’ve always been the strong one and I don’t know how to admit I’m weak. (This is getting too hard. I don’t want to do this anymore.)

I don’t remember when it started. Because I didn’t talk about it and I sure as hell didn’t write about it. Probably a year ago, I’d guess. (I can’t do it. I just can’t. It’s too embarrassing. I don’t want people to see me differently. I don’t want them to be disgusted by me. I don’t want to…please don’t make me say it. It’s too much. I haven’t even written it and I’m already crying…please…) I was no longer able to clean myself after going to the bathroom. Every time I went to the bathroom, I had to take a shower.

While I was at work I would try to hold it. I frequently made myself sick and gave myself painful stomach cramps doing so. I had IBS to begin with and that didn’t help matters. Worse, it didn’t always work. So I’d go to the bathroom and have to spend the rest of the day sitting in my own shit. Sometimes for one hour, sometimes eight. The physical discomfort was awful but nothing in comparison to the shame. Fuck. The shame. Wondering if you smell, wondering if people know, wondering if they talk about it when you’re not in the room. Hoping that no one says anything so you stay as far away from everyone as possible. I felt so disgusting and so embarrassed that I just wanted to die. And I truly felt I would rather die than admit it to anyone. (Oh my god, what are people going to think of me now? I don’t want to do this at all. Please let’s stop Please, it’s too much.)

I can’t stand for more than a few seconds which made the frequent showering very difficult and painful. So, now my mom cleans me. I’m 28 years old and my mom has to wipe my ass. It’s been a few months and I still apologize every time. Every single time even though she keeps telling me to stop. Because I’m just so embarrassed that I can’t take care of myself.

Oh yeah…the whole showering thing. I can’t do that anymore either. I haven’t had a shower in months. Because I can’t stand and because it’s difficult for me to even fit inside the shower these days. My mom brings a bucket of warm water, baby soap, a wash cloth, and towel into my room and washes me. Sometimes I close my eyes and genuinely enjoy the feeling of becoming clean. But a lot of times I cry. I lay on my bed while my mom washes me and I cry.

I do that a lot. Cry. Sometimes I cry because I miss having a life and I want to do so many things but physically can’t. Sometimes I cry because I don’t know how much longer I can handle any of it. Sometimes it’s out of shame. Sometimes it’s from the pain. Sometimes it’s because I can feel my body shutting down and I’m truly afraid I’m going to die very soon. Sometimes it’s because I wish I were already dead.

And sometimes I cry out of sorrow. I place my hands on my belly and I whisper to my body how sorry I am. Sorry that she’s going to have to be cut up; sorry that I couldn’t fix things on my own; sorry that I let things go so far before I asked for help; sorry that she’s hurting so much; sorry that I feel imprisoned by her; sorry that I don’t always love her or treat her the way I should. I cry and I apologize for everything that’s been done to her and for all the things to come. I cry and I thank her for being so strong and putting up with so much; asking her to hold on for just a little while longer and promising her that things will get better. I cry and I ask her to forgive me for what I have to do to her because it’s the only option I have left. Because I know it’s the best decision for me, no matter how hard it was to make.

Do I wish I didn’t have to have weight loss surgery? Yes, of course. I wish I was strong and healthy and could honestly say that my weight isn’t negatively impacting my life. But I can’t, not now. I wish I didn’t have to acknowledge the things I’m most shamed by and I could hide it all, pretending to be functional in order to save that single shred of humility I have left. But should I allow that wish to stop me from having wls when the alternative is becoming completely bed-ridden? Should I not have surgery simply because I don’t want people to think less of me or to incorrectly assume the motivations behind it? Is it worth it?

A few days ago I had to go to the hospital to see a nutritionist. I needed them to bring a wheelchair to the parking structure because I barely made it from my car to the elevator before my legs nearly gave out and I couldn’t breathe. I almost didn’t do it. I almost turned around and left because I was too embarrassed to say that I needed a wheelchair. It was crossing a line I didn’t ever want to cross. But I did it. Because practicality finally won out over pride. And, ultimately, that’s what all of this has been about.

I absolutely believe there are people who weigh 530 pounds and are happy and healthy. I’d never be so myopic as to claim my experience as the norm. I also absolutely still believe that wls is dangerous, highly invasive and overly performed…if anything the last 16 months have made me even more critical of the entire industry. I’ll never advocate wls or start proselytizing because “it changed/saved/fixed my life and it could do the same for you!” I will never be that asshole.

But I will be that asshole who claimed to be fat-positive but had weight loss surgery anyway. And I think I’m learning to be okay with that.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Update on 7/13/08

For the folks coming across this now...

Well, whether you’re here to tell me how disgusting and repulsive I am or to tell me that I should have eaten less (never would have thought of that one!) or just out of curiosity, you might as well have all the information. I’m sure 98% of you are just looking for more things to mock and laugh at but, hey, at least I’m entertaining you!

My surgery was on October 22, 2007. You can read about it here. So those of you telling me to die on the operating table...too late! Sorry to disappoint you!

As of April 22nd, I’ve lost 152 pounds. I no longer have GERD (acid reflux) or sleep apnea. My blood sugar and cholesterol have normalized. All of my vitamin levels are good. Walking and moving are becoming easier and easier.

I average around 1,200 calories a day. Sometimes higher, sometimes lower.

At this point I’m pretty much capable of eating anything. But that’s only a recent thing. Up until this past month or so I wasn’t able to eat meat unless it was shredded and in sauce or mayonnaise. Oh and some vegetables are still difficult/impossible for me to digest. In terms of quantity, I can eat a couple of ounces of food at a time.

I had a serious sugar addiction beforehand and that’s gone. I’m not lying, I do eat candy but too much gives me headaches now so, meh, not as interested as I once was. Now that my palate isn’t deadened, fruit pretty much meets my sugar needs. Also, I have almost no interest in cupcakes now! They’re pretty to look at and wear but eating them? Not really interested. Which is kind of weird.

People want to know what I eat. Or have decided that I’m clearly unhealthy and destined for failure because I eat cheese and have popcorn with a tablespoon of butter and a little powdered nacho cheese flavoring every night. I eat cheese. I eat popcorn. I also eat watermelon, peas, hardboiled eggs, cottage cheese, yogurt, Kashi cereal, skim milk, couscous, tomatoes, pickles, apples, rice cakes, and a million other things.

I do occasionally eat fast food. Maybe a couple of times a month. Here’s an example. I was craving a cheeseburger. So I went to Wendy’s and got the 99cent cheeseburger. It was four meals/snacks. I also got a small Frosty. That’s been in the freezer for more than a week and is still almost full. A foot-long Subway sandwich is four meals and sometimes I can’t finish all the bread.

I’m supposed to eat fuller fat products because my body no longer absorbs the fat due to my surgery and they contain less weird chemicals. So my eating butter or mayo or sour cream isn’t the end of the world.

I aim for three liters of water a day and would exercise more if not for my chronic back pain. Though my joint pain is lessening as the weight comes off. Now that I can move more easily, I’m realizing how good exercising actually feels.

And to clarify a few things.

1. When I say I don’t believe in “dieting” I mean I don’t believe in Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, etc. Because most people gain the weight back once they stop “dieting.” God knows I did! Just because I don’t believe in the diet industry doesn’t mean I don’t believe in eating healthy and exercising. Just because I don’t believe in the diet industry now doesn’t mean I haven’t tried every single diet in existence before making the decision to have surgery.

2. When I said that it’s possible for someone to weigh 530 pounds and be happy and healthy? I said that because it’s not my place to judge the health or happiness of others. I’m not going to make a blanket statement saying “X>certain weight, therefore X = unhealthy and miserable.” If someone weighs 530 pounds and says they’re happy and healthy, who the fuck am I to disagree? I’m not them and I’m not their doctor so it’s not my place to scream about how impossible that must be.

3. Perhaps the Fat Acceptance movement wouldn’t have to exist if people weren’t so quick to tell folks that they should die/kill themselves/are worthless/useless/etc. simply because they’re fat. You’re pretty much proving its necessity by harassing and threatening the people who belong to it.

4. I don’t care if you’ve had weight loss surgery. It doesn’t change the way I view you. The fact that any fat person can manage to not have this surgery the way it’s shoved in our faces every day is a miracle. I don’t care what you do with your body. Have surgery, don’t have surgery, it’s not my decision to make. Some Fat Acceptance advocates hate on and won't associate with people who choose to have surgery. That isn’t who I am. I care about people more than I care about politics. Always have, always will. Long before I chose to have surgery I had friends who’d done it. What the hell do I care? Like suddenly a small stomach is going to make me walk away from someone? And I don’t care if that makes me hypocritical in your eyes.

But if you honestly think that the way WLS is viewed and treated in this country is normal? You’re the one in denial, not me. I don’t have a problem with WLS because I think everyone who has it is a sell-out and a traitor (and I've been called both.) I have a problem with WLS because doctors are pushing it on smaller and smaller patients. I have a problem with WLS because it’s treated like a magic-bullet cure-all that will make you thin and happy in an hour and you’ll be back to work and running a mile within a week. I have a problem with WLS because people who aren’t fat enough to get it here, either intentionally gain weight or go to Mexico in order to have it done. I have a problem with WLS because 12 year olds are getting it. I have a problem with the doctors and the companies that gloss over the life-changing reality of the procedure because they want more patients and more insurance companies shelling out for a surgery that will significantly alter the rest of your life.

I’m a hypocrite. Fine. But I can walk now. And that’s a good enough trade off for me.

Tags:

Comments

( 165 Bunny Pat(s) — Pat the Bunny )
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emilytbm
Sep. 23rd, 2007 05:50 am (UTC)
*huggles* You made the right choice for you.
dazzababe
Sep. 23rd, 2007 08:09 am (UTC)
*hug*

I believe you're doing what's best for you. You're the one who said WLS should only be used as a last resort, and that's exactly how you're using it.

Good luck to you! You're in my thoughts.
thesugarmonster
Sep. 27th, 2007 07:29 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much, I really appreciate that. =)
(Anonymous)
Sep. 23rd, 2007 01:34 pm (UTC)
.
read it, again, and cried, again.
subwaystitches
Sep. 23rd, 2007 01:47 pm (UTC)

This is such a well-written and moving piece of your thoughts. I shared this with a few people that are closest to me because it brought me to tears.

If I lived closer, I'd come and see you. I'd provide you with the most amount of support, and I'd help you in whatever capacity that I could. Part of it is that I'm a nice person that likes to help people. Most of it is that you are one of the most courageous and brave people that I have ever been in contact with. What makes you bravest is being able to admit your fears. The fact that you have consciously analyzed your position in the world goes beyond what so many do, and I'm so proud of you (but not in that arrogant way.)

I'm proud to know you. I think you are so amazing. Thank you for being my friend. And as always, I totally lust for you Heidi.
thesugarmonster
Sep. 27th, 2007 07:33 pm (UTC)
I cry every time I read this. It makes me feel so loved and so cared for. It means the world to me. When I'm healthy, I'm so coming to NY and we're going to have exciting adventures!

Great big hugs and kisses and love!!
suckmylolly
Sep. 23rd, 2007 03:07 pm (UTC)
Heidi, baby, I am proud of you!
thesugarmonster
Sep. 27th, 2007 07:34 pm (UTC)
Thank you, sweetie!!! That means a lot to me!
thisisjusttosay
Sep. 23rd, 2007 06:23 pm (UTC)
I cried.
thesugarmonster
Sep. 27th, 2007 07:35 pm (UTC)
♥♥♥♥♥
- rintheamazing - Sep. 28th, 2007 02:42 am (UTC) - Expand
abroadallmylife
Sep. 23rd, 2007 07:44 pm (UTC)
I love that you're a fat acceptance person having wls. Seriously. It seems that many people who have wls just hate being fat and hate what everyone else says about them. I know you're not going to become one of those post-wls people who tries to convert everyone to skinny minis and tells everyone about how much better it is now that you don't weigh so much. THOSE people are the assholes.
thesugarmonster
Sep. 27th, 2007 07:38 pm (UTC)
Thank you!! And if you ever do see me turning into that person, please smack me around a bit until it passes!
- chet_lemon - Jul. 13th, 2008 01:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
twocorpses
Sep. 24th, 2007 12:59 am (UTC)
Thank you for sharing this. I can and can't imagine how hard it must have been to write. I say can and can't because we don't know one another but I do know what it is to write about something that you would prefer to keep to yourself. It's a very brave thing to do and while you may be physically weak you seem to be a very strong person in every other regard. Good luck! ♥
thesugarmonster
Sep. 27th, 2007 07:40 pm (UTC)
Thank you SO much, I really appreciate that. A whole whole lot. xox
- twocorpses - Sep. 27th, 2007 08:06 pm (UTC) - Expand
rintheamazing
Sep. 24th, 2007 02:04 am (UTC)
Thanks for sharing all of this. It's obvious you've thought this whole thing through and are making the best choices for you. Anyone who says differently isn't worth listening to.
thesugarmonster
Sep. 27th, 2007 07:41 pm (UTC)
Thank you, I really appreciate that. =)
lord_cellytron
Sep. 26th, 2007 06:24 am (UTC)
Your wit is mind-blowing. Your honesty, your expressiveness, everything you write is just so good. You post thought-provoking content that is fun to read, and just beautiful. And you're so modest on top of it. So human. You are everything I think most of us wish we were, and we pretend to be when we want to look good.

You deserve to be able to do whatever the hell you want to do, and if the surgery is what it takes, then you could totally rock that surgery. And you will do it, because you're, what's the word? Beautiful. Strong. Enduring. Capable. An inspiration.
thesugarmonster
Sep. 27th, 2007 07:43 pm (UTC)
God, you just made me cry so hard!! =) Thank you so much for this. It means the world to me. Thank you seeing these amazing things in me. I wish I could express how much I appreciate it. ♥♥♥♥♥
- lord_cellytron - Sep. 27th, 2007 08:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
mmatthew
Oct. 6th, 2007 02:57 am (UTC)
Heh, I too am seeking this solution to my weight loss problems. I'm sitting at 350lbs and while I suppose I'm a fairly happy dude I still want to get this big fat monkey off my back. Alas I am broke and sans insurance right now so until I can get my life back together I'm pretty much stuck like this.

Good luck to you.
frivolous0491
Oct. 29th, 2007 03:36 pm (UTC)
LOSE WEIGHT FATTY
thesugarmonster
Oct. 29th, 2007 05:03 pm (UTC)
Wasn't the entire purpose of this entry saying, I'M LOSING WEIGHT? Thank you for your support!
(Anonymous)
Nov. 13th, 2007 11:53 pm (UTC)
I usually don't support anyone I don't know in anything. My own family doesn't even hear from me that often.

Your entry was brave in that you went against what you normally fight against. It takes personal emotional strength and maturity to decide you are okay with something you don't support.

In your case it is not a cure all or a vanity thing. It is a life saving procedure that you undoubtedly need.

I used to weigh 200lbs and have insulin resistance. I took metformin (makes you puke daily), along with about 15 other pills a day for my various other physical issues (I'm an endocrine mess). Taking pills daily can become a very depressing way to live. I still need pills to live for other things, but the insulin issues went away after I dropped to a horribly low 135lbs. Now I remain a happy 154lbs.

My partner is losing weight and he is almost 400lbs. He is starting to not be able to go out very often with me since his ankles hurt. I long to go out on the town and see new things, getting excited every weekend at a chance to do something, even as simple as shopping in china town or going to the knitting store (two to three block walk).

He is sad all the time because he can't take me out. When I read about your sadness from your inability to do things I got a glimpse of how he really felt.

I hope whatever comes out of this, that you make the best of your life. It isn't about how you will look after changes, it is about how you will FEEL. Walking without pain and being able to do more things, having more energy, being independent, not needing tons of tylenol for lower back/knee pain and several other things that I can't remember being happy for getting back.

Having full weight loss won't be immediate, obviously, but even losing as little as 20 pounds can have a huge difference.

Please don't take this as pity. I genuinely want to see how this works out for you, hopefully it will be well journaled. You seem like an awesome person, and I'm all for people that are trying to make progress in their lives.

(Sorry bout the novel)
(Anonymous)
Feb. 4th, 2008 07:39 pm (UTC)
I don't know you, but I just found this page and wanted to tell you I think you're an inspiration and doing it for the right reasons. Don't second-guess yourself, even for a minute.
(Anonymous)
Feb. 24th, 2008 08:01 am (UTC)
Thank you for having the courage to write this out.
(Anonymous)
Mar. 2nd, 2008 11:54 am (UTC)
hahaha
You shit yourself? That's hilarious.
That's what you get for eating like shit you fatass.
(Anonymous)
Jul. 13th, 2008 07:43 am (UTC)
Re: hahaha
What a waste of a human intellect
Re: hahaha - omega697 - Jul. 14th, 2008 05:15 am (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
thesugarmonster
Mar. 29th, 2008 09:00 am (UTC)
Thank you so much for your kinds words. They really mean a lot to me. =) I'm definitely learning just how difficult life is even after surgery. But hopefully I find ways to work with it and get health and strong!
- (Anonymous) - Jun. 4th, 2008 09:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Anonymous)
May. 3rd, 2008 03:22 am (UTC)
how do you get that far?
no way to be gentle about this. sorry...

when you hit 400 pounds, you thought to yourself: well, i can barely walk, but let's just see where this obesity thing goes? cuz seriously, you have to work at gaining that much weight. at five foot six and 400 pounds, you burn like 3200 calories a day just breathing! five big macs a day would actually be dieting.
(Anonymous)
Jul. 13th, 2008 08:08 am (UTC)
Re: how do you get that far?
Thank you, Heidi, for not responding to the idiots who post the sort of waste to which I'm "responding." What you've written obviously took an amazing amount of courage to post, and you've demonstrated a level of intelligence and self-awareness that I can only hope exists on a broader scale in the world. I have the utmost respect for your honesty and hope that this post finds you well in all aspects of your life.

That in mind, forgive me if I come off as similar to the internet simians when I ask if you could enlighten your readers on how you came to find yourself in a state where such invasive surgery was necessary. You have, doubtless, provided a serious perspective shock to all the thin-minded bigots (I don't count myself out of that category, by the way - or didn't, before reading your post), but perhaps you could offer some of your previous experiences as guidelines for what how to avoid a similar fate?
(Anonymous)
May. 8th, 2008 11:17 am (UTC)
hahaha your fat!!!

dont forget to eat some big macs with extra bacon!!!
(Anonymous)
May. 11th, 2008 11:10 pm (UTC)
fucking christ
what a giant piece of shit you are. how courageous to rectify the horribly bloated mess your meaningless life has become. what a fucking hero. speaking of which, how about you make yourself an hero, then people will remember you for the singular fact that a whale managed to commit harakari
(Anonymous)
Jul. 13th, 2008 08:32 am (UTC)
Re: fucking christ
It must be wonderful to be perfect. Too bad you have to vent your own self hatred on others.
wintrygrey
May. 16th, 2008 09:20 am (UTC)
I know this is an old entry, buuut... I just wanted to commend you on the honesty of your entry, and wish you the best of luck.

Take care.
thesugarmonster
May. 18th, 2008 06:21 am (UTC)
Thank you so much. That means a lot to me.
- (Anonymous) - Jul. 13th, 2008 06:14 am (UTC) - Expand
jcmmyhero
Jul. 13th, 2008 06:27 am (UTC)
I love you.
You and I have never met, and we never will.
But the honesty of this entry... I nearly cried.
I am so so happy that you were able to ask for help. That you didn't let it go on any further. You're strong for even holding on as long as you did. I certainly couldn't.
Hell, I don't. I used to cut to deal with my issues.
I still don't eat anything. I lost two and a half pounds today. My issues pale in comparison to yours and I still can't deal with them.
I hope all is working out for you.
Thanks for posting this. It must have been so hard.
(Anonymous)
Jul. 13th, 2008 06:46 am (UTC)
Keep your chin up
I'm pulling for you. I passed on surgery after waiting for 1.5 years to get approval. In that time I dropped from 411 to 359. For the first time in my life, the weight is coming off. Nine more pounds will put be at my lowest weight in almost 20 years.

I know being heavy can sap you of the will to live. I can only offer that even my small loss has improved my life in many ways. I hope yours will change for the better. Nobody should live in pain like you describe. Especially somebody as nice as you.

Mojoey
(Anonymous)
Jul. 13th, 2008 08:11 am (UTC)
I stumbled upon this blog through digg (probably where all the negative comments are coming from, it's like people don't have anything better to do with their time than make fun of others). My mother suffers from obesity and diabetes and desperatly needs knee surgery yet is unable to get it because of her weight. I sent her a link to this in the hopes that she will feel a little more confident about talking to her doctor about what steps she can take so that we can have her for a few more years. I hope the fact that you had the bravery to say something like this will make her feel not as alone as i'm sure she does. I dont even know you and I love you! good luck and I want a followup!
(Anonymous)
Jul. 13th, 2008 08:18 am (UTC)
Even so,
that sort of weight is way beyond what could be called genetic. Did you never try regulating your food intake? Maybe you should have given second thought to your disbelief in dieting...
thesugarmonster
Jul. 13th, 2008 08:23 am (UTC)
Re: Even so,
Yes, I tried to control my food intake. Many, many, many times. I know it's crazy but I actually DID do other things before having my body sliced open and my intestines rearranged!

Oh, and at no point have I ever said or believed that my weighing that much was due to genetics.

Edited at 2008-07-13 08:24 am (UTC)
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